I should go to sleep, I really should. I'm gonna regret staying up tomorrow morning, but right now the idea of turning off the light and being alone in the dark doesn't appeal to me. Because I'm a sad sack of crap like that.

Today was okay. I slept in, did laundry, watched MASH, cleaned up the kitchen and went to work. Work seemed to take forever, though. It was really slow and at eight, it felt like it was ten. So that was fun. Got a lot of reading done. As much as I love Sara Douglass, though, her stories sometimes seem like watching a train wreak in slow motion. If it can go wrong, it will at some point. Don't get me wrong,(ha, how many times can I use that word in a row, do you think?) she's a really good writer and I love her stories, but reading one of her books for almost two hours straight (reaaaaaally slow at cashwrap) is a little much.

Of course, I shouldn't have started reading it because I knew it would make me lonely. There is a lot of sex (not written out, really, just there) and a lot of, oh I don't know, just touch, I guess. It just drives home the fact for me that I have no one to hug. Nothing to sleep with but a damn body pillow. There have been very few people in my life that I have felt comfortable with (and they have felt comfortable enough around me) to just touch. And I'm not talking about anything intimate here, just the kind of pile o' people that the group has when everyone's together. All of those very few people are very far away. God, I would do anything to just relax with someone, just touch. I'm a very tactile person. I need touch to anchor me.

I don't know why the fuck I'm talking about this here. It's not really helping me and it'll only worry others. But it's typed out, so it might as well be thrown into cyberspace, so here you go.