Current mood:

cheerful

What is this? Is Ricky actually posting? And, could it be, that she's doing it while in a good mood?

Check the temperature of hell. It must be frozen over.

But anyway...

Yes. Tonight I was reminded of something very important. Maybe something I've never truly thought about before. Or never fully accepted. Not sure.

Anyway.

I am twenty-three. Twenty-three. Three years past a mark I thought I'd never hit. I survived, and what I survived was the worst I could throw at myself. Because the triggers for my suicidal tendencies were external, but the core of it was always in me. That total self hatred that I harbor. I survived that. Still survive that. Every day. Every single day is now borrowed time. Time I am infinitely grateful for. This is not to say that I am suicidal now. Not per say. The urge is there when things get hard. The desire for an easy way out. It never goes away. I don't think it ever will. But I have no real desire to act on it anymore. No real reason to end it. So many to keep going.

It's not perfect, but I'll take it.